Posts in category Everyday Life

Because Y’all Gone LOVE The Hot Pocket

Feb24
2008 Rob Written by Rob

One of the interesting side effects to being engaged is that suddenly, you start finding weddings funny. Not yours, of course: with every day being consumed with tuxes, florists, discussions about cake, family navigations, and of course money, the best any of us can really hope for is the opportunity to laugh at the weddings of others. And thank God, reality TV rides to the rescue.

Every so often Dr. Phil is good for wedding and engagement insanity. Bridezillas is pretty good for full-on complete high maintenance bride meltdowns. And if money is your main obsession during this blessed time in your life, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding is great for ridiculously, insanely expensive events, incredibly spoiled brides and grooms walking around with heart medication all the time for those “HOW much does that cost?!!” moments.

But nothing, I mean nothing, beats My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT.

I. Love. This. Show.

It’s got EVERYTHING!

Drunks. Dimwits. Dimwit drunks peeing on florists!

The bride who misplaces her teeth on the morning of her wedding.

The groom who goes hog hunting for his bachelor party, because if he don’t get himself caught a hog, them guests ain’t getting nothin’ to eat at the wedding.

The bride who buys her wedding dress “on the World Wide Web”, which arrives in a small Fedex box – 20 sizes too small. But that doesn’t stop her from trying to get her size-28 self into a size-8 wedding dress, with hilarious results.

The groom who scores his wife’s wedding present from a bowling alley claw machine.

Another groom who fishes his wife’s wedding present out of a dumpster.

The endless sea of camo wedding attire.

The pig chase, where the first wedding guest to successfully slap a t-shirt on a muddy, irritated pig gets ten bucks.

And of course – the MUDDIN’! Because nothing says “wedding” like a woman in a white wedding dress blasting through mud puddles in an ATV.

To top it all off, My Big Redneck Wedding is hosted by Tom Arnold. Yes, that Tom Arnold.

The best episode so far was Gail and John’s wedding. Gail was the one who lost her teeth and attempted to cram herself into a size-8; John was the one who peed on the florist and got Gail’s present out of a bowling alley claw machine. They made their arbor out of beer cans and Christmas lights! The whole thing was a trainwreck from start to finish, but the best part was John, writing his wedding vows, running his thoughts by his mother (aka Granny) for her opinion.

John (reading): “’I wish I could put your love in a locket because your hotter than a Hot Pocket. We did it in the backseat, we did it in the zoo, I don’t care where we do it as long as it’s with you.’”

Granny: “I LOVE Hot Pockets!”

Watch the romance fly on YouTube!

So I’ve been walking around the house all week saying, “It’s kinda like a HOT POCKET” in my best Forrest Gump voice. Driving Kristi absolutely mental with it, but damn, Redneck Wedding just done covers all the bases and throws a patch of muddin’ in for the ride. Serves her right, marryin’ a Florida boy.

Posted in Romance, Wedding

Cleaning

Feb23
2008 Kristi Written by Kristi

We’re both finally well enough that we’ve been able to clean house today.  There’s nothing better than scrubbing the bathtub and changing the bed after being sick.  I’m fussy enough about the house being clean, not just picked up but clean and it’s rubbing off on Rob.  Now if only he’d get on with grading papers for me, life would be complete.

I’m having wild dreams of London lately and last night, I dreamt of wandering from shop to shop and being lost.  It was rather like Portobello Road but Mayfair all rolled into one.  Quite strange.  While I’m happy with my job and life in general is lovely, I’m restless.  It happens this time of the year when I get anxious to be far away.   I’m awful at trying to explain the itchy feet thing to Rob but he’s patient when I whine about missing being abroad.  He’s never really traveled much so he has to take my word for it that it’s exciting, fun, challenging and memorable.

We’re going down to San Diego during spring break to see my cousin Andy.  He’s going to be performing the wedding for us and Rob hasn’t had a chance to meet him yet.  So we’ll most likely drive down and spend a few days.  It’ll be nice to get away and hopefully see the sun.  We’ve had awful wind and rain this week which doesn’t help my longing for England.  The flowers I’ve planted in pots on the porch are thriving and I hope spring is ready to be sprung.

Posted in Travel

Rings and Vets

Feb20
2008 Rob Written by Rob

Today was our first somewhat normal day in over a week. We’re both healthy enough to work, and even though I’m still coughing and Kristi’s still sounding way ragged, the house is running again and no one is praying for death. That’s a major improvement over how things were around here just 48 hours ago.

Laundry’s caught up again. Bed’s made. That ungodly mountain of dirty dishes in the kitchen are now washed and put away. The floor’s swept and Sam’s water dish is cleaned and refilled and I’m catching up on delayed client jobs and Kristi’s using her recovering-sick-person status to guilt her students into behaving. So life’s back on the tracks.

The last week hasn’t been all sickness. First, the rings arrived! After months of deliberation and discussion, we recently settled on the white gold ring styles and made the purchases. Mine’s a simple brushed wedding band; for Kristi’s ring, we decided to get two thin diamond anniversary bands and then have the jeweler solder them on either side of her engagement ring. My ring’s going to have to be sized slightly down yet and we haven’t done the solder on her rings, but they’re going to be beautiful. We tried them on shortly after my ring arrived, and for a moment we both just kind of stared. We’ve got our wedding rings!

In other news, Tuck had his first vet visit in California last Friday, right in between my recovery and Kristi’s fall. We’d been delaying it for as long as we could, but Tuck finally ran through the 90-day supply of meds I bought before leaving Florida. It all went very smooth; Tuck was very well behaved, I somehow managed not to throw up in the waiting room, and best of all we actually got out of there for less money than Tuck’s typically one-month supply cost in Florida. And thank God for that.

While Kristi was comatose, Sam and I had a few bonding moments over oranges. I’d go out on the back porch in the morning and we’d split one off our big orange tree in the yard – we’ve had a big crop this year and they grew out big, sweet and juicy. I can’t help it; I’m from Florida, we take our oranges seriously. A good orange is a big deal. Well, turns out that Sam loves oranges, so we’ve got that.

Kristi says though that Sam’s butt has turned orange. I don’t see it, but then I’m not really looking hard.

Posted in The Animals, Wedding

Alive

Feb19
2008 Kristi Written by Kristi

I actually feel alive this morning.  It’s taken a few days and more hours of sleep than I thought possible.  There are a few signs around the house that Rob has been lonely and reverting to his bachelor tendencies.  I don’t know that he’s eaten a whole lot since I got sick (to be fair, neither have I) and he keeps saying how nice it is that I’m upright.  Oh, and my sense of humor has returned which apparently disappeared during my hysterical crying jag last night when I asked him to take my eye out and drain the snot out of my head and pathetic sobbing the day before when I kept telling him I had boogers in my nose that wouldn’t come out.   Ah, romance!

There’s no faster way to determine if your partner is the right person for you than when you’re sick.  Rob tended to my every need, brought water, medicine, rubbed my back, tended to the animals, made me Theraflu, laid in bed with me when I was snoring and kept reminding me I was almost out of the woods.  And when I finally came out of the haze, he hadn’t packed his bags and left!  I think I knew I would marry him almost right away but especially the very first weekend I visited him in Florida when I came down with the worst migraine ever.  Day in and day out, I’m reminded of how kind he is but he shines when I’m out of commission.  He doesn’t think so but I know better.

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