Because Y’all Gone LOVE The Hot Pocket

One of the interesting side effects to being engaged is that suddenly, you start finding weddings funny. Not yours, of course: with every day being consumed with tuxes, florists, discussions about cake, family navigations, and of course money, the best any of us can really hope for is the opportunity to laugh at the weddings of others. And thank God, reality TV rides to the rescue.

Every so often Dr. Phil is good for wedding and engagement insanity. Bridezillas is pretty good for full-on complete high maintenance bride meltdowns. And if money is your main obsession during this blessed time in your life, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding is great for ridiculously, insanely expensive events, incredibly spoiled brides and grooms walking around with heart medication all the time for those “HOW much does that cost?!!” moments.

But nothing, I mean nothing, beats My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT.

I. Love. This. Show.

It’s got EVERYTHING!

Drunks. Dimwits. Dimwit drunks peeing on florists!

The bride who misplaces her teeth on the morning of her wedding.

The groom who goes hog hunting for his bachelor party, because if he don’t get himself caught a hog, them guests ain’t getting nothin’ to eat at the wedding.

The bride who buys her wedding dress “on the World Wide Web”, which arrives in a small Fedex box – 20 sizes too small. But that doesn’t stop her from trying to get her size-28 self into a size-8 wedding dress, with hilarious results.

The groom who scores his wife’s wedding present from a bowling alley claw machine.

Another groom who fishes his wife’s wedding present out of a dumpster.

The endless sea of camo wedding attire.

The pig chase, where the first wedding guest to successfully slap a t-shirt on a muddy, irritated pig gets ten bucks.

And of course – the MUDDIN’! Because nothing says “wedding” like a woman in a white wedding dress blasting through mud puddles in an ATV.

To top it all off, My Big Redneck Wedding is hosted by Tom Arnold. Yes, that Tom Arnold.

The best episode so far was Gail and John’s wedding. Gail was the one who lost her teeth and attempted to cram herself into a size-8; John was the one who peed on the florist and got Gail’s present out of a bowling alley claw machine. They made their arbor out of beer cans and Christmas lights! The whole thing was a trainwreck from start to finish, but the best part was John, writing his wedding vows, running his thoughts by his mother (aka Granny) for her opinion.

John (reading): “’I wish I could put your love in a locket because your hotter than a Hot Pocket. We did it in the backseat, we did it in the zoo, I don’t care where we do it as long as it’s with you.’”

Granny: “I LOVE Hot Pockets!”

Watch the romance fly on YouTube!

So I’ve been walking around the house all week saying, “It’s kinda like a HOT POCKET” in my best Forrest Gump voice. Driving Kristi absolutely mental with it, but damn, Redneck Wedding just done covers all the bases and throws a patch of muddin’ in for the ride. Serves her right, marryin’ a Florida boy.