Some days I wonder why anything is worth the bother. I get testy, cry at the drop of a hat and I don’t think much is worth doing. I’ve gotten a lot better in my advanced age at holding my tongue when I shouldn’t speak and finding the balance between passion and being a complete ass. I don’t always succeed but I’m getting there.
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
till the landslide brought me down
Today was a brutal day at work for a variety of reasons. My students were fine, but there are always other things that make me bite my tongue.
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder.
Children get older;
Im getting older too.
I took a bit of a risk today and talked about how I’ve felt regarding some things at work. Five years ago, I would’ve kept my trap shut and suffered in silence. But not now. Life is too short. I’m tired of just “putting up and shutting up” to go with the flow. And even though I felt like I was a bit all over the place, especially after lunch, I stood up for my feelings. I didn’t just swallow it down like the desperate 14 year old I’ve felt like of late, desperate for friends, to be liked, to have people talk to me. And while what I’ve said may rock the boat a bit, it was worth it. I’m tired of there being this festering wound.
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around.
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills,
Well the landslide will bring it down.
And when I come home, my husband is there with a kind word. A hug. Encouragement. Ice Cream and Fleetwood Mac. He’s smart enough to leave me alone to blast music, to write, to hum to myself, to have a cry and a whinge, to fall into myself. And then he’s there with a quiet glance, a kiss on the back of the head, restoring my faith in humanity, the kindness of men and the lusciousness of having a soft place to fall each night.