To sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
–Morose Hamlet
My husband is asleep. My dog is asleep. One cat is staring at me as if I’m a lunatic to still be awake and the other is curled up on the couch, usurping the dog’s favorite snoozing spot. And me? I’m awake, recovering from yet another migraine. The drugs help but leave me either completely wiped out or unable to sleep. So here I sit, watching Cops at 1am because it’s either Cops or Little House on the Prairie. Isn’t that the biggest juxtaposition in TV?
I’m not looking forward to going back to work next week because I’ve been carrying around that last day for the entire break. I’ve dealt with it better this week than last but I don’t feel like I’ve had any respite from my brain being in overdrive. Night time is worse than any other and I play out conversations in my head over and over and over. What could happen. What did happen. What was said. What wasn’t said. What I should do. What I shouldn’t do. Fighting my most primal urge to bolt. I don’t like it.
I should try to sleep. The story of my life.
It is more often than not that I have seen management and superiors look to numbers to ‘understand’ a situation. Like a General looking at the numbers of the daily wounded and killed in a war. Unfortunately, these types do not understand the situation in the trenches… Where many of us are fighting those wars. Its not like they are in the classroom… Its not like they know the people involved… Its not like they can see the faces of the people and the distinct lack of care in their stance and voice. What they care about is appeasing parents, who they themselves will take the side of their child, and using some numbers or metrics to come to a conclusion, whether it be right or wrong.
You are not an amature at this… you’ve been doing this for awhile. Remember that. If you didn’t feel strongly about what you do, you would would have not come this far. So you had a number of ignorant or angry kids who didn’t care. You can only help those who want help… And then there are the ones that learn and are better for it.
You will be fine… I’m sure you will get through this.
Thanks Brudda. I’m feeling better today.. 🙂