There are times I go back to 2009 in my head.  I relive the same few days.  Did I do the right things?  Did I say everything I could have?  Why didn’t I fight harder for myself?  And Rob reminds me that I did everything I could, that I fought for myself the only way I could, that there isn’t anything I should’ve done differently.  When I get nostalgic for teaching, I remind myself how bone-wearyingly tired I was at the end.  Four years on, I still get tired thinking of it.

My weekends now are relaxing, peaceful.  My time is, for the most part, my own.  I can make appointments for any time of the day.  I can have lunch with my husband.  I can sleep until 10am, work in my pjs until 3pm, and eat cereal at noon.  We can go on vacation any month of the year, for a length of time we determine.  There are no papers to grade, conferences to attend, and completely incompetent administrators who behave out of spite.  I can do interesting things and not have to worry about if today is the day I get the chop.

And so there is no real deep longing to be back in the classroom.  This time of the year is always a reminder of who I used to be, who I no longer am, and who I have become.

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84 days until Kauai.