Still here

Sorry for prolonged silence here at R&K.  It’s been one of those periods where it seems like all kinds of crappy things happened in rapid succession and it was honestly too hard to write about it all.

In August, Samson took a bad turn.  His arthritis was worse and he was to the point of not being able to stand up without me lifting his backside up.  We had a long year of dealing with his declining health from a bladder infection, hot spots, skin infection, arthritis and thyroid problems.  He had continued difficulty navigating the back door, as the kitchen floor was slippery for him to walk on.  We had to lift him up multiple times and eventually, we gave up the backyard and let him wander out front.

By the middle of the month, his back paw was turning under when he walked.  It was awful to watch and I told Rob we needed to take him to the vet.  I was so afraid we were at the end but I’ve freaked out before and  been wrong.  We took him in the next afternoon, worried about how we’d get him into the car and how we’d get him out and if there was anything at all to be done for him.

The vet looked him over and said his muscles were atrophied in his hips and the next phase was incontinence and soiling himself because he wouldn’t be able to squat.  I asked him if we were at the end and he said we would be if he were my dog.  So I said ok.  We took him to the back and I held his head in my hands, pushing my face into the folds of his neck as he took his last breath.  I wasn’t strong enough to be there with Mel and I always regretted that.  But I knew I had to be there for Sam.  He was happy to ride in the car and surrounded by people who cared for him.  My stoic vet even hugged me afterward.

We had him cremated and his ashes are on the mantel.  We miss him every day and aren’t ready for another dog.  It’s been nearly 3 months and the tears still come when I remember that day, when I see a dog that looks like him.  I loved him for 10 years and he was a great dog.

In other meh news, we continued to struggle through the lean summer months but the autumn brought renewal.  Clients came back, work has picked up and while we still aren’t back to where we were before, we’re not drowning anymore.

On a happier note, we’ve settled at Modesto Covenant and been through the membership class.  I still have yet to turn in my membership application and request my transfer from Trinity but it’s just a matter of getting my act together and doing it.  We love being a part of a healthy church where we don’t feel angry when we leave each week.

I was sworn in as a CASA in late July and took my first case in mid-August.  I simply adore the kids I work with.. 3 siblings (2 teens and kindergartner).  Yesterday, I got the nicest email from their foster parents.

“Kristi, Thank you for your efforts on behalf of the children.  You have made a great connection with them and they think you rock!  (and we cannot disagree).”

I really needed that after an emotionally packed week for them and a lot of negotiating on their behalf.  Becoming a CASA is the best thing I’ve ever done, other than marry Rob.  I get to spend time with a great family, sweet kids and I really feel like I’m making a difference for them.  And my boy, Little J?  He is Calvin.

As we slide into the holiday season (already??), I’m reflective on the struggles of this year and the lessons we have learned about living by faith.  It’s emotional to look back on the heartaches of this year, the pain we’ve gone through but I’m encouraged by friends (old and new) and family who continue to love us and walk this path of life.